So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
