He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
