i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
