Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
