It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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