Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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