you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
