she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
