Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
