at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
