insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
