Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
