I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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