This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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