I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
