we're chasing vodka with high fives
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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