At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
