put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
