I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i think i just lost a toe
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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