she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
