You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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