the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
