I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
