I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Your dad touched me again.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
