Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
