good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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