Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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