i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
