bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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