We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
