And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
