Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
