I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize