bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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