i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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