Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
