Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
