I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize