Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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