Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
