I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
