We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
