girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
