Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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