Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
