Define "chronic" masturbator.
Small penises have feelings too.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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