oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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