The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
