Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
