I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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