no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize