it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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