And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize