New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
