i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
