imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
