Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
