Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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