you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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