I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
