after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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