At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
