dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize