just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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