dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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