That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
