whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
