all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm always down for nudity.
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