in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
