i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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