Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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