so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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