the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
