I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
