somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I did not marry a roomba.
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