$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
