I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize