Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
