everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
