Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
