Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How does one acquire holy water?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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