She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
