nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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