I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
