I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize