i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
