he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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