hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
