I wish life had little blips of pornography
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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