i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
