I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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