i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
