My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
