Whats the count minus fat chicks?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
