you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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