She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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