Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
