you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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