i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
