I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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