So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize