Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
