I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
