i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
