Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
