____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
