All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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