is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
this is an emotional support booty call
At least life still wants to fuck me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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