i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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